The First Day of Sixth Grade

There are several reasons why I remember the first day of sixth grade. It all started in the morning when we were getting ready for the all important first day of school. Andy was starting 9th grade and he believed himself to be the hottest thing since indoor plumbing. He ended up spending way too much time on the little curl on his hair that made him look like Lucille Ball to everyone else. Then he used makeup to cover up some of the bigger white heads on his face which had been hit with a plague straight out of the Bible. His head may have looked funny, but his pants put all other funny looking things to shame. They were made of shinny polyester and they hugged his legs so tight that Michael Jackson would have turned his head in shame. Andy was at the peak of puberty and to this day I have not had the pleasure of having a normal conversation with my older brother as it has been his misfortune to continue puberty well into his 30’s.
I arrived at school and heard an announcement that I knew would change my life forever. This year the school would have a student body president and a student council. I was going to be the president. I always knew that I was destined for glory, and this was my chance to prove it. Everything that had happened from the moment of my birth had prepared me to be the student body president of my elementary school.
“Did you hear that?” I asked my friend John who sat next to me. “I am going to be the president.”
“That’s awesome man.”
“I knew it,” I thought to myself, “everyone is expecting me to be their leader.”
The rest of the morning I sat in my seat smiling uncontrollably and planning my campaign strategy in my head. I was focused and nothing could distract me. Throughout the school day I was on cloud nine and I had fun doing everything. I sat at a table of boys and just before lunch we were hungry and getting a little rowdy. While I was laughing at a blond joke I let things get out of hand and before I knew it the pressure got to me and I made an unexpected loud noise. There was no denying this embarrassment so I just joined in with everyone else and laughed even louder.
“What’s going on!” Mrs. Jones demanded.
The kids all pointed to me.
“Bryan I want you back here for recess, you can sit with your head down and think about how you are not going to interrupt our class for the rest of the day.”
This wasn’t the best way to get on good terms with my new teacher, but I didn’t care I was going to be student body president, nothing could phase me at this point in my illustrious career, I am sure my teacher thought that I was on something as I sat there and just smiled like I didn’t have a care in the world.
After lunch one of my friends pulled out some seeds from some kind of pepper.
“Look at this guys,” John said showing us his treasure. He then proceeded to pass out seeds to our entire table.
“Look at me I’m a monster,” I said putting a seed on each of my eyes.
Other boys put the seeds in their noses, tongues and ears. We had a great time for about two minutes. My eyes started to itch and then burn as if someone had lit a fire inside of my head. I looked at my friends and they all had red faces and hands.
Mrs. Jones came over to see what the moaning was coming from our table. When she arrived I can only imagine the pitiful sight she enjoyed. Six boys with swollen red faces and hands moaning and a couple of us were rolling on the floor. She sent us to the bathroom to rinse off, but the pain remained for the rest of the day. I kept reminding myself of my future fame and that helped to ease the pain throughout the day and I sat with my careless smile once again.
The bell sounded and I rushed to the bike rack to find my two younger brothers.
“Alex guess what,” I said to my kindergarten brother.
“What?”
“I am going to be the president!”
“Wow, will you get to move to the White House and eat candy?” Alex was obsessed with candy.
“No bud, but I will be your boss.”
Just then Dallin came running around the corner with his friend Josh.
“Dallin guess what.”
Dallin turned toward me, made a monkey face while his friend flapped his wings like a bird. They both just ran past me and jumped on their bikes.
“I’m telling Mom if you don’t wait up,” I yelled without effect. “Come on Alex, let’s catch him.”
We didn’t catch sight of Dallin until we were almost to our first day of school ice cream party at the church.
“What’s that? Alex asked pointing at something in the road up ahead.
“It’s probably just a dead bird,” I replied.
“But it’s huge,”
“Maybe it’s a dead bear,”
I could tell this scared Alex as his eyes grew about 10 sizes which looked really funny on a little kid with and oversized head and eyes that already looked like they were going to pop out at any moment.
As we approached the dead bear, I could tell that it was actually a couple of kids lying in the road. Alex and I came up to two kids lying on their backs, staring at the sky and crying hysterically.
“Hey Dallin guess what? Sidewalk chalk tastes great. I accidently licked some in class and before I knew it half of my piece was gone.”
“Alex knock it off! Can’t you see that he’s hurt, look at his face it doesn’t have any skin on it.” I gently reprimanded Alex for going off on another tangent.
After trying to get the boys out of the middle of the road I gave up and decided to make a safe barrier around them so they would not get run over by a car. Alex and I broke the reflectors off our bikes and laid them in a circle around the accident. We had plenty of reflectors because my dad always made sure that each bike had at least ten reflectors to make sure we were safe and riding in style at the same time. After we had the accident site secured I turned to Alex.
“Alex you stay here and make sure Dallin doesn’t get run over, I’m going to get Mom.
I rushed home and ran through the door. After I had told my mom the whole story about me being the future president of our school I proceeded to tell on Dallin for running away from me after school. Eventually I got to the fact that my brother was lying in the middle of the street bleeding to death and we ran out the door to save his life.
When we arrived on the seen it looked the same as I had left in, two boys screaming in the middle of the road surrounded by bike reflectors. Alex had wondered off to the gutter and was eating bugs.
“Alex get over here!” Mom yelled.
Alex dropped his next bug and ran over to my mom. “Mom, Mom! Guess what. I ate sidewalk chalk!”
My mom starred at him in horror for a brief second and then focused on the two boys. She picked them up and put them in the back of the car as I gathered the reflectors and Alex chased a butterfly.
“Let’s go,” Mom demanded.
“But what about my ice cream at the church,” I whined.
“Not now Bryan, not now.”
“But…” I stopped as my mom gave me the “I will rip your guts out if you say one more word” look.
We rushed the boys over to the hospital where we all three fought for my mom’s attention. I was trying to tell her about how popular I was and how there was no way that anybody would vote for anybody else, Alex was bragging about his snacks throughout the day, and Dallin was still screaming like a little girl who had just lost her doll.
I never did win the election; the rumor was that the whole election was fixed. I still hang my posters in my living room, knowing that one day my old principal will walk through my door, apologize and beg me to attend our sixth grade reunion as president of my class. Dallin ended up with a permanently scared face which looks like he has had a run in with a blow torch that melted his face off. Alex continues to have GI problems due to his interesting choice in foods. Andy still lives in 9th grade and walks with a noticeable strut. Despite our shortcomings we are still the best of friends and even though we may not be accepted by our neighbors, we respect each other and enjoy getting together to watch Alex eat weird things, and balance couches on his face while Andy shows us his latest basketball hero’s name that he has shaved into the rug of hair on his back.